| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|12:04 pm] |
(Stolen directly from Andy and Lukas)
iTunes Data:
How many songs?
1496
Sort by band:
First: 2skinnydorks
Last: Yellowcard
Sort by time:
First: 0:25 "Toddler Hiway"
Last: 16:47 "Dispatch - The General + What I Got + Out Loud + Marley medley + Even"
Sort by song title
First: (Canon of the 3 Stars) Isao Tomita w Plasma Symphony Orchestra
Last: Zep Song
Top Five Most Played Songs:
1. "Exit Music (For a Film)"-Radiohead
2. "Electioneering"- Radiohead
3. "Pet Name"- They Might Be Giants
4. "Falling Down"-Muse
5. "Let Down"- Radiohead
(In my defense, this info is off my iTunes and not my iPod. If that were factored in, The Ataris and Relient K would shoot up the list.)
First song that comes up on Shuffle:
"Adding to the Noise" Switchfoot
Find "sex", How many songs come up?
2
Find "death", How many songs come up?
6
Find "love", How many songs come up?
51.... I can't explain it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|10:38 am] |
"Well grandaddy was a hillbilly scholar,
blue collar of a man...
He came from the school of
"you don't need nothin' if you can't make it with your own two hands"
Country music has a way of growing on ya after a year or two. Especially when the other stations refuse to anything other than "Holiday" and "Boulvard of Broken Dreams". |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|11:37 pm] |
Ok, so it would be an episode of Law and Order, except that instead of a normal crime there would be something stolen that is intangible like "the sounds of New York traffic" or maybe "calcium". After this occurs the detectives would be clueless at first, and assigned a celebrity to help them solve the case. This would lead into roughing up people in Times Square, until they get the clues necessary to solve the mystery, and of course it would lead to the arrest of the mayor and the chief of police even if they had no real involvement. Ah, I don't think I'm gonna buy any more console systems, I really don't play the one that I have and that might be a crying shame. It was pretty cool going to the beach today as it was good weather, but not the kind where you get the burns or are unable to touch the sand.
Anyway, I went ahead and made a quiz about the group so you can go ahead and see how much you really know.
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/takequiz.php?quizname=050722032206-88457 |
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| 3 Steps to Getting Profit From Focus Groups |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|05:26 pm] |
Hey, if anyone has free time this summer then you should go to www.microsoft.com/playtest/ and register for playtests. (thanks to Jason Kim for the original idea)
After you register, call Microsoft at 1-888-261-8488 and ask them if there are any upcoming opportunites for testing. It doesn't matter much if you never play video games, even my sister qualified for a study and she can't tell Mario from Master Chief.
For a playtest at Microsoft in Redmond, all you need to do is play videogames for around two hours and answer a few questions, then you get a piece of software as a gratuity that can easily be resold. To sell software, e-mail alisitx@yahoo.com (this isn't me, but they offer good prices.)
Ah, this is a really good deal dude! The only hitch is that it can only be done every two months, but hey, I don't mind making $400 for two hours of telling an engineer what I think about a font color.
By the way, apply at Costco everyone. They are hiring (me). |
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| Updates for Freedom |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|09:25 pm] |
How much stock do we put each day in acting like we have observed? This of course makes sense when you consider that the ideas about driving on the right or “proper” side of the road without needing to be reminded about it. There are signs letting us know that we should be careful about the speed limit, and that makes sense as it can change from road to road, and if there is a mischievous mayor of a city, then it will change on a day to day basis or even maybe an hourly basis. This can be seen in Canada, where once you cross the border the whole place lets you know that the roads are now under the shadowland way of the kilometer. This is abbreviated by KM, is figured out by multiplying by pi, and can be remembered by how caterpillars can cross roads in America but are “killed by the meter” in Canada thanks to the unending confusion about speaking French half the time. In the alternate universe where plants can feel pain, the trees in Canada would take twice as long to fall since they would have to shout out “the pain, I’m falling down!” and “la douleur, je tombe vers le bas!” In German this would be “die Schmerz, falle ich unten!”. I do believe that Roald Dahl wrote a short story about this. In his short story an inventor builds a machine that enables him to hear when plants cry out in pain, and the story has the theme of whether or not the man is really hearing the plants or if he is descending into lunacy. That would be a strange way for a child to grow up, if he owned that plant-pain listening machine. “I refuse to cut the grass because I don’t want to hear the sound of millions of tiny green voices crying out in pain!” My guess is that this sort of child would be completely useless on farm, although he would get along quite well with wheat fields.
Has anyone seen these coffee carrying cost-cutting cups (CCCCC?) that the Waste club on campus has been selling? They’re nifty ways to transport scalding shipments of coffee in small quantities to wherever you might need to go with a slightly elevated heart rate and dilated pupils. What are the side effects of coffee anyway? I know from experience that if you purchase several cans of Taiwanese coffee under the label “Mr. Brown” and drink them all, within a few hours you will have a profound sense of regret that you didn’t buy more precious coffee. I used to notice that coffee had a bad taste to it, but eventually I got over this by mixing a good variety of milk and sugar, and even ice cubes to make the whole thing drinkable. But do not, seriously, do not drink a lot of coffee right before trying to play Frisbee. This really dries out the insides and makes the lungs a fireball of hurt that should never been associated with our good friend coffee and his getaway driver espresso. I really hope that democracy and espresso never make us choose which one I love more, as that is just asking for coffee bean despotism that makes me happy and motivated. I’m still getting used to this ordering coffee trend, and I have been trying to figure out how you can politely ask for the cup to be filled with espresso as quickly as is humanly possible. This is a situation that is kinda like drinking Red Bull energy drinks, or just taking a needle of adrenaline and adding cinnamon for a nice little morning pick me up. This would be right before hopping in your car and driving to work at 150 mph and then into the ocean. I don’t think we should fill the ocean with coffee but I do support the idea of something being done to motivate those do nothing dolphins.
If you haven’t already then you really need to get on the cruise liner that is sailing under the name S.S. iTunes. iTunes is a great little ditty archive way of putting all of your music into a giant listening clump. But the sweet part is how you can take the music that you have and share it with other people on the local network of computers. By taking this opportunity to let other people know what kind of music you like then you can broaden your horizons on the sharing front. Also, this is a great way to listen to 3 Doors Down music without the shame of actually having their CDs in your room. Ha ha! Just kidding! “Here Without You” is an a-ok song. If it is at all possible, try to take steps to learn how to play a musical instrument during your lifetime. Or at this point it might just be easier to construct a time machine and start leaving violins in your own baby cradle. I’m just going to leave the music up to the professionals for now. |
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| Heyyyy readers |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|10:38 pm] |
When I first arrived at Whitworth I wasn’t sure about what major I wanted to pursue, so I decided on Political Science as it is good as anything else. What isn’t as good as anything else would be the poor excuse for internet that we have here. Even as I’m writing this now I can’t go online because the entire school’s internet being down, and so instead of my planned topic of why everyone should make an extra effort to go to Mac Hall in Concert (April 28th, see ya there!), I’m going to evaluate how my political ideals have changed over the years. That’s right. I’m a sophomore.
When I was growing up in the Blue State of Shoreline (it’s really near Seattle), my house tended to vote Democrat. This wasn’t consistent from year to year, as the kitchen was a die hard Republican and would occasionally team up with the basement to swing the house to the GOP, but on other occasions the backyard and the patio furniture would get their hands on a reform party pamphlet and throw the whole process into a recount. This would mean that the ballot counting would be handled by the chimney and his good friend the fireplace, and to be honest that darn pair can’t be trusted to not put their best interests forward and support the smoking lobby. Smoking because they are a fireplace and a chimney, and would want… Ah, moving on.
In grade school my hometown was fortunate enough to be visited by Vice President Al Gore, who wanted to see everything that Shoreline had to offer. Seriously, he was in town because of a environmental problem of a sinkhole. This sinkhole had formed because of a strange underground water drainage thing, or something, and ended up swallowing a house, a mailbox, and the Seattle Mariners’ chance of ever doing decently in the playoffs. This was a great event in the neighborhood and so my elementary school lined up near a fence and was treated to a grand display of several limousines driving by. Heyyyy democracy.
Another time that I remember was when I went to see a Ringling Bros. Circus in downtown Seattle, and Gary Locke was there greeting voters. This was back when he was running for Washington State governor for the first time, and he was trying to get out and meet potential voters. I guess he was confused by how much political sway ten year olds attending circuses really have in our modern age, but he was much more polite than the animal activists dressed as tigers who were protesting the way the circus uses tigers as wonderful forms of entertainment. If these tigers weren’t gainfully employed by the circus then they would need to go and try out for Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie and I don’t think such a thing even exists. So what I’m trying to say is that I met a governor and it was interesting.
Last semester I was in a American Political Parties class and a big part of this was that I was able to have the opportunity to be free labor for the Cathy McMorris campaign. This was part of a political campaign to win a seat for the House of Representatives, a process that involves a lot of free food and driving along Division Street at the rushiest of hours. I was fortunate that this campaign was considered winnable for both of the candidates as this meant that both the Democrats and Republicans poured a lot of effort into trying to win. In the end, the real winner was the educational process as I was able to go to a lot of political fundraisers that had all the big names in Washington politics. Tom DeLay, Dennis Hastert, and Slade Gorton, the gang was all there. You might have heard of Tom DeLay, as he has been making the front page of The New York Times for a huge ethical violations investigation that may prompt his resignation, Dennis Hastert for his recent victory in the 200th annual Senate Pie Eating Contest, and Slade Gorton for being a cool guy who is nice about autographs. By the end of the campaign I had stuffed many envelopes, called many constituents to get out the vote, and helped to carry sofas from one building to the next. Just like I carried those sofas, Cathy McMorris carried the city of Spokane in the general election and was elected to the House of Representatives. The last time I checked her official website I could tell that Washington D.C. was now fully committed to the apple industry, Boeing, and having convenient places to buy flags at low low prices. Freedom! There is also a very nice gift shop for all the souvenirs that the 145th Congress of the United States has to offer, including bobble-head mascot Foley The Filibuster.
So that is why I’m a sophomore, er, religion minor, ah, I mean political studies man. Hmm. Go to Mac Hall In Concert! |
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| April Fool's Day Whitworthian |
[Mar. 27th, 2005|03:20 pm] |
Olympic Committee Takes Closer Look at 2012 Whitworth Bid
IOC inspectors have begun a four-day visit to the inland northwest to assess the college's bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games. Appointed by the IOC President in July 2004, the Evaluation Commission for the 2012 Games comprises IOC members, representatives of the IFs, NOCs, athletes, and International Paralympic Committee, as well as international experts. Whitworth was able to get on the list of potential sites along with New York City, Moscow, Madrid, Paris, and London under what international news organizations are calling “suspicious circumstances, at best”. Many observers have theorized that the dissatisfaction among international students with the homogenous culture at Whitworth led to the effort to host the famed Olympic Games, as this would bring their own countries to them.
President Robinson met delegates and personally led their tour of Whitworth's sports facilities. The president expressed little concern for the formidable competition that the tiny Presbyterian college faces from the major cities of the world. Referring the to recent pledge by the Mayor of Paris to have a special Olympic Village built that would be capable of housing 10,000 athletes as an “unrealistic goal” President Robinson echoed the sentiments of the Board of Trustees that the three billion dollars needed to host the games would not distract from Whitworth’s goal of providing all students with an affordable education, though this move would raise tuition from $20,980 to an estimated $9,124,050 ($10,125,050 for on campus students). Prospective students may consider colleges with high price tags to provide a better education, said Tom Johnson, vice president of business affairs.
The tour for the Olympic Inspectors began with a look at the Pine Bowl, where the beginning and closing ceremonies of the Games would be held. Nawal El Moutawakel, the Chairwoman of the Evaluation Committee, questioned if the stadium was capable of housing the expected 500,000 tourists. Robinson assured that he had the word of the grounds department that they had “at least” that number of folding chairs in storage.
The tour then advanced to the Whitworth Fieldhouse, where the United States basketball team would be seeking redemption for their embarrassing 2004 Athens bronze medal. The Fieldhouse would also be expected to contain the archery, badminton, bowling, boxing, cycling, fencing, gymnastics, judo, karate, modern pentathlon, racquetball, roller sports, shooting, soccer, squash, table tennis, taekwondo, team handball, triathlon, volleyball, weightlifting, and wrestling events. When questioned about where the equestrian events would be held, Robinson became evasive and led the tour to the Aquatic Center, where he assured the committee that the pool was indeed deep enough for all diving needs, and that the synchronized swimming teams would not be in the least bit cramped.
Gesturing towards the back 40, Robinson hinted that if the Olympic committee were to swing towards a competing bid for the 2012 games, then there were back up plans in place to win the 2016 Winter Games. “We have every confidence that within a decade Whitworth will once again host the Games”.
Robinson was referring to the 1932 Winter Games, which ended in embarrassment when 3,000 athletes were forced to sleep in the chapel due to overflow housing. |
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| Gavin wrote another column |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|04:22 pm] |
And now, a completely unbiased summary of Antigone
The story of Antigone begins with a quick summary of the narrator telling of how there was a great battle at the seven gates of Thebes. This is a thrilling introduction that is notable for being the only introduction in the history of literature to be adapted into a three hour long movie. But I would not recommend watching this movie for an accurate summary of the book, as Peter Jackson overlooks the underlying tragic themes and puts most of his focus on when the elf fought the giant elephant. It is important to know that the most important underlying metaphysical theme throughout Antigone is that no action ever takes place on stage, but always just off stage or in the past. This was important for early Greek theatres that were on strict budgets and unable to afford the cast of thousands that would be needed to really make Antigone a spectacle.
The basic plot of Antigone revolves around how the main characters long ago swore a vow to never act the same way when two different college students try to read the book. Here’s a sample book discussion of this: “Well, I was moved by the chapter where Creon the king enters the cave and finds most of his family has died of grief related injuries.” And another person in the discussion group would say “No, you’re thinking of the part when Antigone is overcome by grief because her brother was arrested for insider trading about how Thebes has an economy that relies entirely on caves and metaphors.” Ah, maybe this would make more sense if I introduced the cast of characters.
Antigone is the namesake of the book, and stars as a distraught woman who is distressed by how her brother, Polynices, has been missing for weeks and just turned up as an unburied corpse. I suspected the Thebian mafia was involved, but it turns out that Polynices was off running with the wrong crowds and may have tried to overthrow the king. So the king, named Creon, decided that as punishment for his disloyalty Polynices would be left unburied. I’m not sure what Creon was thinking, as once a person is already lying dead most people just assume that they have suffered enough and don’t need to have any more punishments. But in the wacky world of Thebes their society placed great value on burying people Oh, the play was written by Sophocles, a famous Greek man who spent a week writing this play in his mind and the next fifty years inventing paper so that others could enjoy his work. Sophocles was the inspiration for the many plays that deal with tragedy that came out after his time. He didn’t have as much to do with musicals, and considering that the plays back then featured all male casts this is for the best.
Antigone takes the initiative and buries her brother, in defiance of what Creon had said. This may have been a bad move on her part as it turns out that Creon had only been elected recently to the post of king (insiders credit his election win over John Kerry to how Creon vowed to crush the enemies of Thebes while Kerry was just interested in tax cuts) and was eager to show everyone how serious he was about making others do what he wanted. This is further complicated by Creon also being the uncle of Antigone. Creon is faced with the moral crisis of how he can show that he really is serious about not being disobeyed, and being able to face his family at the next reunion without needing to explain why he has been killing off nieces and nephews. Creon uses all of his wisdom and tact to resolve the situation by ordering Antigone to be walled up in a cave for the rest of her life. This move is supported by the cave industry, but is disagreed with by Haemon.
Haemon is the fiancée of Antigone that has been out of town for a few weeks and is surprised when he returns to Thebes and finds that his lovely spouse is more entombed than usual. He takes action by complaining to Creon, who just happens to be his father, but Creon is too dedicated to preserving his kingdom to have time for such concerns as not killing his future daughter in-law. This is one of those problems that doesn’t come up as much today in modern politics. Not since Bill Clinton took an active interest in who his daughter Chelsea was dating and ended up placing the male population of Stanford University in federal prison.
The climax of Antigone comes when Creon discovers that Haemon visited Antigone in prison, some things happened, and now Creon has a lot of dead people to explain to his wife. But what do are these events all tie together? We can see them in any of our modern forms of drama, such as when we go to the movies and see King Hitch running a dating service, and he lives in Thebes, and, uh, Greek plays… Heyyyy Antigone. |
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| Heyyy... something |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|07:07 pm] |
Respectfully submitted for your perusal, a paper. Length: around three pages. Weight: One or two ounces, or however much one of these things weighs. I’m not going to go looking for a scale. Origin: A 200 level class, much like any other that can be found across our landscape of higher learning. Motives: For a common student, perhaps one who lives in a dorm not dissimilar to yours, to explore the thickets of libraries and Microsoft approved writing tools. For these are the rules of the contest, a contest that may have already had its outcome written long ago. A contest held beyond time and space. In the Ugly Stick.
When you are assigned a paper to write for a class, there are many circumstances to consider. The paper tends to be due about a week from the assignment date, usually around two to three pages double spaced, and the topic might be of your own choosing. Let’s just break down this into a simpler understanding. You have been given a week to write the paper, but does that mean that your professor has included a jar of motivation to go along with that meal? Well, maybe. If the paper is worth 10% of your final grade then yes, considered yourself motivated. Two to three pages doubled spaced might not seem like much, and indeed the pages will just seem to fly by. This is made even more fun if you get a thrill out of properly using footnotes and citing a variety of sources. Did I mention that this paper should include at least three sources from outside of the class? But within this requirement you can also find the words “at least”, meaning that you are free to conduct personal interviews with exchange students to get their opinion on your subject.
As the sand continues to run out of the hourglass of deadlines, the time to act arises. A journey to the center of the library is begun in search of books that have least 200 words and have a low level of mustiness. I found one book that had Supreme Court decisions from 1914 and once taken off the shelf it proceeded to send yellow dust clouds in all directions. I can only assume that some of the cases that were reviewed in this book had been since overruled and were destroying themselves.
After procuring the right number of books to write a good paper, you can also take advantage of books that you have lying around your room for extra quotes. This is an acceptable means of writing, and is made especially effective if you have a copy of “Presidential Anecdotes”. To work within the confines of the bibliographical realm it is necessary to cite specific page numbers, and the rule of thumb is the higher the page number the better. This can be a problem if the book doesn’t go beyond fifty pages, or if it is a magazine. Pamphlets are the worst choice, as every citation ends with (pg. 1).
The deadlines eventually do become more and more of a concern, and far too often they hide in backpacks and jump out around 10pm on a Monday night. This is not always a bad thing, as you can often listen to music while writing the paper, or watch a movie or two, or even leave the room entirely to go and get food. Please note that these methods are only effective if you keep thinking about the paper while driving away from the campus, otherwise you are just being silly about your time.
A mentality that might end up consuming you when sleepiness rolls around is one of always thinking “Is what I am doing at this very moment helping the paper?” Having this thought process can lead to conflicts with others when the paper remains unfinished, as you start to wonder why they aren’t working on their own papers. Come to think of it, you haven’t even ever seen them in class.
By the time that the paper has reached the final leg of its journey, all that typically remains is for a bit of proofreading and printing. Sometimes you can reverse the order and proofread second, but that might not be recommended if this proofreading is being done over breakfast for an 8am class and you are forced to discover that 2% milk makes a poor replacement for white out. And what if it turns out that the paper goes about maybe a paragraph or ten over the two page limit? This is a chance for creativity to shine through, as margins start to be adjusted, fonts get changed, and the character size of the letter might slip from 12 to around 9 or so. It’s still readable! Once the paper is turned in, you are happily able to go off to your next class, after first taking a half hour break to learn about the 15 page paper that may be due in the next thirty minutes.
This was a recollection of one college student, with appropriate flashbacks and soliloquy. Or more simply stated, the evolution of man, the cycle of going from master to misery, the metamorphosis from being the ruler of the words to an ingredient in someone's thesis. It's tonight's bill of fare on the Ugly Stick. |
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| Important Conversation |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|10:34 pm] |
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At a Chicago press conference during the 1912 presidential campaign, Theodore Roosevelt took Edward B. Clark, Chicago Evening Post reporter, aside for a long whispered conversation. Afterward, newsmen surrounded Clark, dying of curiousity. "Well," said Clark, "you'll hardly believe this, but it's true. TR knows I am an amateur ornithologist, as he is. It seems that yesterday morning at Sagamore Hill, his house in Oyster Bay, he saw what he believes to be a hermit thrush, and he wanted my opinion whether it could have been. He described the bird in detail." Clark said he told TR it might have been a hermit thrush, but he doubted it very much. This was in the midst of one of the fiercest political battles in American history. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|07:44 pm] |
Heyyyy Spring Semester
Now that we have had time to settle into our new classes, how is the Spring Semester going for you? Yeah, I know all about they closed off the loop for lawn repair and from my understanding of the principle of the restoration of Shalom this was done in accordance with allowing the land to rest every seventy years. So what I want to know is if the class of 1935 had the same problem. Did they need to find another spot on campus to play all of their Great Depressioique sports such as baseball, foot racing, and fireside chatting? The only other explanation for why they would close off the one of the most popular spots on this lonely campus would be because of it just being a giant mud pit that is unsafe for human activity. Ah well, I guess that we can always play indoor and rooftop sports.
Other Spring Semester news would be the Whitworthian celebrating their 100th anniversary of being in print, and the fifteen year anniversary of having a circulation of more than ten readers. One of the most noteworthy news worthy stories that has been reported was the visit of John F. Kennedy in 1960. That must have been a year when things were going really fantastic if Whitworth managed to attract a presidential candidate. That, or JFK was tricked into showing up. His trademark East Coast style and freewheeling cheerfulness led to his famous speech “Ich Bin Ein Spo-Compter”, that has now been identified by leading historians as a “zany mistake”. According to legend, the future president really did believe that the distinctions between Eastern and Western Washington were the same as the subtle political differences that divided the Beatles loving Western Europe with the mandatory parade loving Eastern Europe. Eventually it would be uncovered that Nixon had the same confused world view about Eastern Washington’s political role in the future, that would explain why he kept telling his political insiders that he had a “good feeling” that Castro may be sighted at Bloomsday one of these years.
I heard that one of the former editors of the Whitworthian won a Pulitzer Prize in 1990. That’s kinda neat. He had been covering the story of the Exxon Valdez oil spill that was a big deal for a while in the 1990s. As a lasting legacy from that eco-oops many strict new laws have been passed to safeguard nature. These regulations have made it punishable by a fine for anyone who eliminates more than ten species of Alaskan salmon without being able to prove that the fish were properly consumed in a delicious environment. For a while there was concern about all that nuclear waste that was clogging the Columbia River, until we figured out that uranium is a natural way to light up rivers for citizens who may wish to do some midnight kayaking and can’t be bothered to bring a flashlight. Ha ha, just kidding, everything is ok in the outdoors right now.
I’ve begun taking Core 250 and I have been able to learn much about how the ancient philosophers dedicated much of their time to contradicting the work of the guy who taught them philosophy. I don’t know what the schools of thought were back then, but I guess they must have had a sort of love/hate relationship with their teachers if men like Aristotle could only find a way to make a mark on the world by challenging all that Plato had to teach him. That must have been a great feeling for Plato when he was sitting in the tree he lived in and turned on the evening news and saw Aristotle yelling about how Plato was incorrect in assuming that the world of the forms governed all we perceive. Well, we can’t feel too bad for Plato, seeing as how he built his own career off of the original idea man Socrates, who in turn built his understanding of the world off of what he could steal from his fellow hermit crabs.
There was a good deal of controversy about the comedian hired by the Half Past Nine organization a few Thursdays ago, mostly over foul language concerns. Not that I think the guy was right to go obscene, but in his defense I don’t think anyone told him that Whitworth is a conservative Christian college. But on the other side of the argument you could say that even after he was told what sort of place he was at he didn’t change much. And that his jokes about hiding from tow trucks were really funny. Plus, people would have probably enjoyed the show more if they tried laughing instead of just staring blankly. This wasn’t a basketball game, and so it was ok to react to the events that were happening on stage. Anyway, where else are we supposed to go on the campus if we want to see imported comedy from California from a man who stressed the fact that he had indeed once been on Comedy Central?
Have a John Grisham kind of week. |
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| Here's a new column |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
This is the newest column that I wrote, and since I have a week to turn it in I would appreciate feedback about which parts are funny and which parts could easily go. Suggestions?
For Jan Term I went with a group of good folk to Chicago so that I could study the important issue of urban poverty, or maybe it was community development, or possibly we were there to learn about what makes a person desperate enough to want to live in a city like Chicago during the year of the persistent blizzard. I claim to be a native of Seattle and it was an interesting experience to go to another major city and see their take on getting lost and avoiding eye contact with each other.
For our living arrangements while in Chicago we stayed at a place called the International Conference Center. The rooms there were similar to a miniature dorm environment, right down to the suspicious people lurking in the hallways and the bathrooms that were placed a friendly mile from where they were needed. A good part of the trip that changed from our plan was that instead of cooking our own meals we had them provided, and while I had looked forward to surviving off of raisin bran for two weeks this new plan was likely one of those things that proves to be a good idea in the long term. To get around the city we were taught to ride the “El” train (“El” stands for “The”). This train system worked marvelously for getting myself from place to place, and we were introduced to the exciting plan of the mayor to store all insane people in the trains. Ha ha, just kidding, after all the point of this trip was to help those in need, and not to confuse their bizarre behavior and senseless threats with any sort of cry for treatment. Speaking of the mayor, his name is Mayor Daley and he takes the time to remind anyone within the city of this fact by plastering his name on anything government related. This name-graffiti of his includes elevator inspection signs, subway maps, police cars, and led to a pleasant feeling of the city being controlled by a friendly omni-present giant. And while it was only implied, visitors to Chicago can assume that Mayor Daley also makes the trains run on time and is responsible for the sunlight that bathes the city on a fairly consistent schedule.
One major disadvantage to visiting Chicago in the middle of winter would have to be the numbing, all consuming cold. I did hear reports that while I was in Chicago that the city of Spokane took sympathy and transformed into a block of ice to make me feel better, but I still needed to wear wool socks on a daily basis. One thing that was a point to ponder in Chicago was the art museums. We went to the Art Institute of Chicago and saw many of the famous paintings, including “American Gothic”, “The One With The Guitar”, and “The Cool One With Pointillism Of The People By The River”. There is the Field Museum, where I was able to see first hand that there is no way to make learning about extinction fun unless you take the time to make an exhibit of a dodo bird fighting a minotaur in their native habitat of Atlantis. There was also a display case that showed the flight path of a meteor, starting with how it broke off from a asteroid field, traveled millions of miles, and ended up going into a garage and damaging a car’s muffler. This chain of events is known today as “Why The Universe Hates Volvos”.
Any trip to Chicago wouldn’t be complete without a trip to a Broadway style musical, especially one that focuses on the life of Elvis Presley. (The preceding sentence was brought to you by the Chicago Theatre Commission, proud sponsor of the Ugly Stick since 1987) The play we went to focused on the less known part of Elvis’ life, when he took a break from his career and rode a motorcycle around the American Midwest to visit small towns and solve their romantic problems with guitar ballads and letting people know that the special person in their life had been there the whole time. This historical time isn’t to be confused with the life of James Dean, who visited the same small towns but focused more on stirring up trouble and combing his hair. Anyway the play was good and should be seen many times.
Have you ever been to a Cheesecake Factory? These are great restaurants to visit, as the gruff waiter will pretend that he doesn’t care that it is your birthday but then will surprise everyone by bringing out a group of waiters to sing. I recommend the strawberry cake, but the other flavors are just as good.
As a part of studying poverty while in Chicago, I was with a group that worked with an after school program at a shelter. This was a great experience and I learned that kids are happier when you let them win at checkers and make it look like you were trying your best. And if you are really unable to defeat a 5 year old at checkers, it would be best for everyone if you just pretended that it was an intentional loss.
Have a Eric Clapton kind of week. |
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| Enjoy a column tonight |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|10:48 pm] |
As we go through the holiday season we start once again questioning about why we do not have a national holiday to celebrate the various parts of our life, mostly those that aid us in digestion. We love Columbus Day but we deliberately neglect giving any sort of credit to our stomach and his refusal to take a day off. The post office may close on Labor Day but you can rest assured that Mr. Kidney Functions is gonna be working overtime. The appendix has been employed for years as the watchman of the stomach and yet he can’t get any respect. This is a cycle of wickedness in which the feet and the brain take all the credit, and this injustice cannot continue.
What can we do to honor these silent heroes? I suppose that we could just clean them occasional and maybe throw them a surgery every once in a while to remove their neighbors and add a pacemaker or two. But is that really enough? I say that if we give out praise to hockey we can show our appreciation for all things related to eating a lot of food. Clearly there are a lack of written tributes to these earls of eating, a drought that I hope to resolve. Can we reunite the Beatles and see if they will be able to follow up on “Hey Jude” with “Hey Liver”. Should we work towards a future where we can bring the Elvis Presley band together and have them play a celebration of everything that went terribly, terribly wrong with Elvis’ health? I hope that the best way to celebrate would be to write a confident tribute to teeth.
From a distance, a person’s teeth aren’t able to reveal much. They are the white shirted captains and officers of the body, as they aren’t around when the body is being sown together, and they are the first to abandon ship when the whole thing is about to be retired. They often have problems with teamwork with the leaders of the molar pack always needing to be looking their best while the workhorses in the back have a tendency to make the acquaintance of metal drills and unwanted deposits of precious metals. And what is their reward for their years of hard work? Most people don’t even want to see the whole collection! But if someone would have a peek memories of tenth grade English would rush into their heads as the slight textures look like nothing more than the Mississippi valley Tom Sawyer rafted down.
Is there anything else in the world like the audio waves that teeth emit? You can imagine them playing a role in 1920’s radio dramas that have horses clip clopping across cobblestones in colonial America. But their talents can be underappreciated. A tooth’s native language that includes phrases like “I’m cold”, and “I am trying to whistle” is too often hushed to silence. When people take the time to really listen to what teeth are trying to say, they can be lulled into a deep slumber by the soothing grinding clamor, with the rhythms being reminiscent of the ticking of a grandfather clock.
As the initiators and gate keepers of all that may wish to see the human digestive system, these ivory rocks are content to leave the aromas to the experts. But when push comes to shove, there is a fine line when even the most humble of the calcium-coated servant can try to emit a putrid rot that drives all other priorities away until a dentist is reached. However, with the right dash of toothpaste people can easily become convinced that a pine forest in the spring has entered the room. Most of the time these pearls of the palate are content to remain hidden from the nasal receptors that might judge them.
The sharpened albino points haven’t much to offer on their own when it comes to flavor. They are more like a chemistry experiment; as the real science happens after ingredients are put together. With the addition of a healthy douse of Tabasco sauce, these miniature rhino horns can be sent south of the border. A bag of pixie sticks can help chompers to be filled with a tingly sensation, as a caveman feels after being frozen in a glacier. But if left to their own devices, the mighty molars are more than happy to just observe and shred, crush, and chew.
The smooth yet imperfect ridges seem so random and chaotic, but just as the camel to the desert, the teeth fit perfectly into the puzzle of the human mouth. With their foundations firmly in place the teeth are the stoics of the jaw, unlike the hedonist tongue. But if a tooth is stricken with wanderlust, it can wiggle more that an armadillo caught in a washing machine. This is when it becomes right to touch the tooth that is past its prime, and banish it forever to make room for a more reliable tenant.
Have a reliable Christmas break. |
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| Let's all celebrate Thanksgiving |
[Nov. 20th, 2004|08:03 pm] |
Get those turkeys out of the hammock and into the oven, and start looking forward to Thursday. In Spanish this day is known as Día de Acción de Gracias, known by Native Americans as the day to hide their remaining land from roving bands of colonists, and known on Sesame Street as the time of year when Big Bird won’t open his apartment door for anyone.
Thanksgiving has its origins in the 1400s, or maybe the 1600s. The pilgrims were a persecuted religious minority who had discovered that the European value system simply could not tolerate the sheer ridiculousness of their oversized hats and belt buckles. They knew that to make a new life for themselves and their children they would have to leave Europe for the New World. The pilgrims looked at their options and found that the boats named Augustheatwave and the Januaryhailstorm were already taken, and so they settled for the Mayflower. But who would be chosen to lead this plucky band of voyagers?
Noah was considered the obvious choice as he was well known for keeping his cool while transporting religious folk long distances and he was perfectly willing to build the boat himself. But the pilgrims had second thoughts about choosing Noah after he made it clear that he would fill the boat with at two of every known species of alligator and his insistence on using doves for navigation. The next candidate was John F. Kennedy who lost popularity among the settlers after they figured out that he was going to use the Mayflower to attack Cuba and crash into a Japanese destroyer. The settlers did try to tell him that these two nations simply were not threats to their peaceful voyage, but JFK would only mumble something about “Putting a pilgrim on the moon and returning him safely within 400 years”. The pilgrims did appreciate how he volunteered to bring 200,000 Kennedys to populate the Northeast but they knew they had to look elsewhere for a captain. Eventually the pilgrims decided that they needed to choose Captain Rhode Island, a four foot tall man with a plan.
The pilgrims were now ready to begin their fantastic voyage across the Atlantic. This feat had only previously been done by the scruffiest of Vikings and the most flamboyant of Spaniards. This trip to the new world was a long and difficult journey where by the end of the two days the Pilgrims were nearly out of bran and prune juice. They landed at Plymouth Rock and piled out of the ship and took their first steps on the beach. The Pilgrims built their colony that would serve as a monument to their determination to triumph over all forms of persecution and hardship no matter the human cost or spiritual burden. Then the tide came in and washed the colony out to sea and the Pilgrims got to work building a second colony, this time a mile inland from the beach. This new colony soon had visitors as local Indians came to investigate these strange new visitors. And so the first Thanksgiving was born as the Pilgrims and Indians and the giant Turkey-men came to an oaken table covered with orange and red vegetables. Unfortunately neither the Pilgrims nor the Indians wanted to eat these inedible table decorations and this led to the first Thanksgiving roast turkey/tragedy.
Modern Thanksgivings are known as the time of year when families and friends can eat a generous meal together. The holiday itself was officially established after Abraham Lincoln declared a day of gratefulness for the success of the North in the Civil War. Since Lincoln was so closely associated with the day it became a memorial to him and his legacy. In 1922 all rights to Lincoln’s legacy were purchased by the Macy’s Corporation and can be seen starting at 8am, 11/25, only on NBC. Thanksgiving Day is also famous for having a football game on television so that families can know when they can stop interacting with their loved ones and find out how the Seahawks dynasty is going. This game is made more exciting by fans who are able to tell which of their favorite players had the most turkey that day by watching them run into the endzone, celebrate, and then take a half hour nap.
Other countries of the world do not have this homegrown holiday, and so they are forced to find other ways to celebrate their gratitude for the Pilgrims coming to America. England can celebrate the founding of this “Insurance Policy Overseas” and France has “Le Thanks (It should be noted that France has been less than successful in their celebration of world holidays, as shown by whenever Santa Claus comes down a French chimney the family surrenders)”. Australia can be assured of a constant stream of tourists who are trying to mimic the less famous John Grisham book “Skipping Thanksgiving”.
Once again the American way is the best of all the world, so go and be confident as you gobble that stuffing and cranberries. |
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| Here's my latest column |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|11:37 pm] |
The time of the year has finally rolled around to November, the time of the year when young men and women turn their thoughts to love and registration. This process can be overwhelming to the unprepared, and so I have assumed the role of informant to my fellow students to tell you what you need to know to be a success in the upcoming terms of January and Spring Semester and I’ll even add some tips for a successful Thanksgiving Semester and Christmas Semester.
The first step to getting registered is to think about what sort of major you want to pursue. The best kinds of major to get are the ones that you can really get motivated about, but if you don’t want to get motivated there are also some majors offered that are taught in black and white by a professor with a monotone voice. Some majors are used as stepping stones to greater things in life. Biology majors often go into medicine, philosophy majors often become medicine, and history majors get their own channel. Another good step would be to take a variety of classes and choose your major after seeing which classes you enjoy the most. This has led several Whitworth alumni to follow their dreams and get degrees in jogging, golf, and journalism. So with that info safely tucked away in our minds, let’s open up the Jan Term packet, shall we?
For those on the business path you have the option of taking a class that is a summary of all you have learned about leadership. This class is labeled “Chaos Theory”. Another choice of some students would be to take a class off campus as Jan Term is ideal for this sort of opportunity. You can go to Australia to learn what koalas think about outsiders, you can pay tribute to Jack Sparrow with travel to the Caribbean, or go to Europe to learn all about how Core 250 is readily applied to everyday situations. Here is an actual discussion from the last Core 250 study group that went over for Jan Term in the year 1940: “Hark! Let us all discuss in our small groups what Socrates would have told those French and their Eiffel Tower! Then we shall debate the nature of reality and why those German look ready to jump the border and visit us and our French friends. Wait your turn, you eager Bavarians!” This semester abroad was generally described as ‘interesting’ by the students, who were also lucky enough to go on an unscheduled boat ride from the port at Dunkirk. They then spent five years in England during which they were able to live in the city of C.S. Lewis and gain valuable field experience about ongoing German experiments in physics.
Next we turn to take a closer look at the blue packet for Spring Semester. By looking at the various class offerings we can see how easy it is for students to build the schedule of their dream, assuming that their dreams are the same of those of the Registrar’s Office and include at least 12 credits. Most students use WhitNet to sign up for their classes. WhitNet provides a list of all available classes, so that it is easier for everyone with 50 or more credits to log on the second it becomes 8:00 AM and see how fast they can run through the list and mash the submit button. When scrolling down that list of classes, be sure to take a look at some of the general ed classes that are required for most majors. These classes include a certain number of credits in math, science, and art. These general ed classes are important as otherwise too many students would be in serious danger of graduating in three years and not knowing all there is to know about watching “The Music Man”, or taking Math 107 to learn about “Dividing The Cake Into Exactly Five Pieces: Can It Be Done?”
Anyway, that’s enough about registration. Now we are going to analyze the presidential election results whether they happened two weeks ago or not. I recall happily watching the votes roll in from across the nation and CBS News telling me all that I wanted to know. News anchor Dan Rather was more than happy enough to report the election in the way of “winner take all”. Each state would be rewarded for picking the correct candidate, who spent the night behind the mysterious curtain of democracy from which he would step at a exactly 12 midnight. Prizes for choosing the right winner were given out on a state to state basis, with Texas being given a lifetime supply of meat and Nevada earning the right to do whatever they want to do. States that made the wrong choice would earn only second place prizes, such as lovely oak kitchen cabinets for the voters of Massachusetts, and a bucket of snow for those living in Minnesota. To prevent the secret about who would win from leaking out too early, a wide misinformation campaign was begun. This included having the man behind the curtain emit a confusing array of smells, included that of barbecue and Northeast liberal. Have a pinecone kind of week. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2004|01:21 am] |
It does get a bit surreal when you are watching a German speaking RA playing a bizarre Japanese videogame, and during the loading screens you can see the local exchange student playing his guitar in the background.
Hey, the Mac Haunted House is coming up soon. Chainsaw? Yes. |
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